Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.” So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?” “Blind man!” The nuns look at each other and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see. What could it hurt?” They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.