A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!” The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.” “Nah,” she says, “that’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”

Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?”
Boyfriend: “You’re both.”
Girlfriend: “What do you mean?”
Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.”

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Wife: “How would you describe me?”
Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
Wife: “What does that mean?”
Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Because everyone works ‘cept her.

Rush Limbaugh wanted to buy an NFL team. His spectacle for him to see black people hit each other while the white quarterback is being protected. Reminds him of the America he loves.

How did we know that Monica would testify? Because she has a history of not being able to keep her mouth closed.

Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory drink? It’s two shots and a splash of water!