Q: Why does the queen carry a scepter?
A: Because everyone works ‘cept her.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

Why is England the wettest country?

Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?

Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What did Osama Bin Laden’s ghost say to Mitt Romney?

A: “Don’t be sad, Obama’s foreign policy killed me too”

One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meeting archbishops and other religious figures, he decided to go see the Galveston shore in Texas. When he arrives in his pope mobile, he sees a man struggling for his life aginst a shark. Upon a closer look he notices that it is John Kerry. Horrified, he starts to call for help when a speedboat pulls up along side Mr. Kerry, with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney on board. Dick Cheney leans over and pulls him out. Then George W. Busy and Dick Cheney begin to beat the shark to death with baseball bats. The two men notice the Pope and land the boat on the beach. The pope says to the men, “I know that there has been a lot of attention and a lot of strife in this election, but I can see that you two men respect each other and would help each other in their house of need. You have my blessings.” The pope packs off and drives out of site. Bush asks, “Who was that?” “That was the pope Mr. President, he is all knowing and in touch with God. Leader of the Catholic Church,” says Cheney. Bush says, “Well that’s all neat and fine, but he doesn’t know anything about shark fishing. Hows the bait holding up?”

A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has said that he may run for President, but analysts predict it is much more likely that he will walk.

Q: What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
A: You can’t milk a cow for over 10 years.

Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.