Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners. The old man behind the counter is hard of hearing and doesn’t understand her request, so he says, “Come again.” Monica responds, “No, this time it’s mustard.”

Why are there no K-Marts in Syria?
Cause there are targets everywhere!

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.

The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!

After numerous rounds of, “We don’t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, “Tell Kennedy he’s holding the message upside down.”

Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.

Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.