An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was raped. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn’t know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, “All he could say was, ‘I’m coming! I’m coming!’ and he never finished the job.”

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, “I understand,” and pours two pints.

An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, ”I think you have the wrong room.”
”You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”

What do you call a bench full of white people? The NBA!

Q: What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.

A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It’s no good trying to outrun it. It’s catching up!” The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I’m not trying to outrun the lion, I’m trying to outrun you!”

What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.

I love pressing F5. It is so refreshing.