Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub! I’m dwowning!

Q: Why is Snow White such a good judge?
A: Because she is the fairest of them all.

The student asked René DesCartes, “Professor, you say ‘I think therefore I am.’ But how do I know it is I who is thinking?”
“Who wants to know?” answered the old philosopher.

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!” Another Roman walks up to the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”

There were 3 men in the desert. They all wanted something to cool them down. One brought a pail of water. The second brought an umbrella. The third took out a car door. The other two said,”Why do you have a car door?” The person said, “So we could roll the windows down when we get hot!”

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells, “We got ’em!”

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo “Beep! Beep!”

Q: Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie?
A: Because it was rated Rrrrr.

Customer: “Waiter, waiter! What is this fly doing in my soup?”
Waiter: “The backstroke, I think.”

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve lunch here.”