Q: What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? A: I lava you.

Q: Wanna hear a joke about a stone?
A: Never mind, I will just skip that one.

What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light?

A: Don’t look I’m changing!!!!!

Old Man: “Are you the young fellow who sold me this tube yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?”
Clerk: “Yes sir.”
Old Man: “Well, I tried for half an hour this morning and I couldn’t get my teeth to stick in.”

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken your pockets. I think the keys are in there.

A woman walks into a cafe with a stomach ache.After a while she realizes she needs to relieve herself, knowing her farts are loud, she decides to fart simultaneously with the cafe music. Every time the music gets really loud she let out a long fart. She saw that everyone in the cafe was staring at her and later realized that she was wearing headsets the whole time…

Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher then the average house due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump?

My mom drinks Diet Coke despite knowing full well of the repercussions to her health. You might say she’s a sodamasochist.

What goes up and down stairs with out moving? Carpet.

Q: What is the king of all inches?
A: The ruler.