One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, “No, we don’t sell grapes.” The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, “No, we do not sell grapes.” The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, “No, we don’t sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!” The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, “No, I don’t have any nails.” The duck says, “Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?”

Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

mom said joe can i have a shower with you tonight? yes honey but don’t look up!
when they got in the shower joe looked up and asked what is that mum? mom said
it is Tokyo!the next day the same thing happened but this time he asked his dad
when they took a shower he looked up and asked what is that? it is a huge dinosaur! that night he asked both his parents can i sleep with you tonight? sure they said so they all hopped in bed and joe looked under the covers and said OH NO THE DINOSAUR IS ATTACKING TOKYO!

A father is having dinner with his son and says, “Son tell me a lie,” and the son says, “Dad.”

What is the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.

My wife and I are planning our 21st wedding anniversary celebration. Here lies the problem: she wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, I want sex, and my mother-in-law thinks we should renew our vows at church. Well, I’m all for compromise, so we should have sex outback of the church.

Coach: “Why are you late for the game?”
Caterpillar: “I had to put my shoes on.”

Growing up, my parents never grounded me unless they were really really mad. I can remember the first time they caught me drinking under age. Mom freaked out and grounded me for a month, but I guess that was a reasonable response for a parent of a second grader.