Florida’s Seniors

I have encountered many troubling things in my life, but your long face belongs on the top of the heap! Smile so I can take you out of the lead!

Cheering you up is my mission in life, it seems yours is to make sure I’m never without a mission!

In a perfect world, there would be no tears. But then there’d be no booze, no parties and no fun after the fire.

You need to relax. I knew when I said that I was asking for a punch in the face. Taking one for the team.

I’m here to pick you up, take you out, and help you forget all your problems. Actually I’m here to pick you up, let you out and make you someone else’s problem!

I have no answers for you. None. I’m totally useless. I’m going to fail at helping you. My talents are few. Pass the bottle, we’ll cry together.

You should just say WTF and streak.

I tried to talk to your Fairy Godmother, but she’s laying on the back porch with an empty bottle of scotch wearing a T-shirt that says #hopeless. Now I’m worried.

This card has magic powers. You get three wishes today. Use them wisely, and make sure that wiping away prints is one!

I think you need something to punch, that’s why I’m here.